Inspiration...

I've been thinking for the last few days what to blog about. We had a really sad time in our family towards the beginning of the week. My uncle lost his long battle with cancer, despite fighting it so hard. It was actually very sudden, as although there was nothing more they could do for him, he was well and about to be discharged from hospital. Within two hours, he had taken a severe turn for the worse. I cant imagine how devastated my auntie and cousins are as I am very lucky to still have both my parents and haven't suffered that particular heartbreak. I've not felt like writing anything this week, and my uncles death has made me reflect on my life.
I have the best friends. Two of my best friends at work were absolutely amazing. There for me when I needed them, but they didn't push me or try to get me to talk about it until I was ready. I feel I've been a bit of a recluse - sitting at home, going to bed early, and not even spending Saturday night doing anything other than watching a film. I did go out on Saturday afternoon for an hour, but not quite by choice. My dad takes my dog to have his haircut and manicure every couple of months, and found out about a new course of dog training starting. As my dog is quite well trained, just not sociable and hates people coming to the door, my dad decided we needed to go. Cue me not having much choice, and grudgingly agreeing. It was actually a lot better than I anticipated, he was very well behaved (the dog, not my dad) and didn't attack any other dogs. Hopefully by the end of the course, he will completely listen to me and be a reformed dog!
So, for this post I have been inspired by Glee. The episode "Born This Way" to be particular. Mr Schuester was on a mission to get the Glee kids to embrace the aspects of themselves they didn't like, and accept themselves for who they really are. A point that kept coming up was that the changes the kids wanted to make were because they loved themselves, not because they hated themselves. What with my evaluating my life, this has really hit home with me. I want to change myself because I love myself and because I hate myself. I try hard to accept myself, and I do, but I also want to change.
Lady Gaga is the queen of acceptance. People don't always accept her and what she does. Just last week it was reported that "the Catholics are outraged at the meaning behind the song 'Judas'". She is always out there, having the wackiest outfit, the craziest video, the most outrageous hairdo and the dramatic, nonsensical video. But, shes always the one with the message, and most of the time that message is "Love the person you are, and accept yourself". Born This Way was the classic song for the message, and it makes a point with me. Doesn't stop me from wanting to change myself a bit though. She doesn't give a damn what people think, she sticks horns to her head for videos, arrives to awards in a giant egg, and wore a dress made completely of meat. Lady Gaga is the ultimate "out-there" artist of the minute and she refuses to conform.
I have all my personal goals, and I'm so impatient I hate to wait. I wish some of the changes I want to make could be instant and I would work hard for them afterwards if I could have the results now. Instead I need to be dedicated and push myself to get where I want to be. It is hard though, and anyone who ever says it isn't needs to take a look at themselves. I need to organise my goals into a list of which order they are going to be achievable and work out routes to get them.
If you hate yourself enough to want to change, then you also love yourself too much to just abandon all hope. You love yourself enough to change, and I do. I want to be a better person, I want to develop my hobbies, I want to be healthier and fitter, I want to lose weight, I want to learn to love without expecting anything back in return, I want to be generous without suffering the consequences and most of all, I want to be selfless and sincere. Changes take time, but its never too late to start.