Its been a while...

Well, my blog has lovingly informed me that the last time I published a post was almost 2 months ago. So it has been a mighty long while. 

Isn't it funny that as soon as you decide you really have to do something, you will start doing anything else to procrastinate? My friends who are at uni say it all the time, they go on facebook, watch tv online, even clean their room/flat/house in order to get out of writing an essay or reading a book. Its a well known fact that the only time a student flat is clean is when essays are due in or it is revision time. Procrastination, what a wonderful word. 

Well, yesterday I decided I needed to really make a start on my new project, and that I was going to spend all of today planning it out and hopefully make a start this evening. So far, since getting up, I have tidied the hallway, cleared out a lot of clutter, tidied up the living room, loaded and put the dishwasher on, cleaned the kitchen, emptied and re-loaded the dishwasher, pruned and rearranged the flowers on my dining room table, taking out any that were looking a bit dead, visited many time-wasting websites and now written a blog post. My new project has had about 2 hours spent on the planning. Hardly the full day I was devoting to it. Sigh, why why why, when I actually do want to have a go at it, do I procrastinate so? 

I'm not actually going to explain my new project too much, just in case it totally bombs and I cant bring myself to do it. All you need to know is that it requires my creativity, my brain and my iTunes to be on constant shuffle. 

I have just returned from eating my dinner, taking the dog for a walk and watching the end of Top Gear (Rupert Grint as the star in the a reasonably priced car? Helllooooooooo!) and have now returned to the bloggy blog. So, where was I?

Oh yes, my project. Well, I am very excited about it but I do seem to be procrastinating a lot. So maybe I need to concentrate my efforts onto something else for a while, it would appear I'm not quite ready for this. 

I dont know what though. Im so terribly indecisive. I rarely make a decision and stick to it. Especially if we go to a restaurant, I will pick something, change my mind and order something different and then wish I had ordered the first thing. So now, I tend to pick, change my mind and then order the first thing. Seems to combat it relatively well. Shame that I cant just do that with life! 

Keeping this a short post, hopefully it wont be so long before the next one. I'm going to try and post at least once a fortnight, no promises now I have "started" my new project though!

Happiness. Its a big word. It relates to every aspect of our lives, can change a single moment from despair to ecstasy. Some people chase it forever. Chasing happiness endlessly becomes their entire lives. Some people are born happy, and stay that way through their entire lives. And some people, try as hard as they might, never find it.
Everyone has something that makes them happy. Just like everyone has something that makes them sad. A career, a loved one, a materialistic object, just something that brings a smile. But happiness is such a huge word that no matter what lengths you go to, sometimes you just can't quite achieve it. Take a dream career for example. You might study really hard, spend hours of your time volunteering, working towards the qualifications and experience necessary to give you a head start for the job you so desperately want. But at the end of the day, the decision always comes down to someone else. Its out of your control. Of course, you might be lucky and be the shining light. But what if there is always one person at that interview who is more experienced than you? The interviewer would be mad to offer it to anyone other than that person. Its out of your control.
And what about love? Girl meets boy, boy meets girl, girl falls in love with boy. Boy is in love with girls best friend. Girl ends up heartbroken because she has so much unrequited love. Or girl meets boy. Boy meets girl, and boy falls head over heels in love with her because she is so beautiful, so funny and so caring. But girl, inside, despite being so beautiful, so funny and so caring, feels numb. She doesn't feel alive, and whats the point in anything if she cant just feel something? Girl is so cold, so stuck, that she doesn't feel the boy's love trying to wake her up. Girl is surrounded by people who love her and want to look after her, but is so absolutely numb that she doesn't even notice. Boy has no choice in the matter. He cant make her notice how loved she is. Its out of his control.
You want a big house to put your big TV in. Well, especially in this day and economy, where you need at least 20% deposit to secure a mortgage, the bigger the house, the bigger the money pot needs to be. So how do you get what will make you happy if you cant raise the cash? Rob a bank? Save every spare penny for the next 40 years, and you can finally buy it, but you cant enjoy it? Or what about borrow the money? If the bank manager deems you unsuitable, you have no chance. Its out of your control.
For some people, music is the ultimate happiness. Listening to your favourite band or solo artist can wake those emotions so deep you cant help but feel such a profound happiness you have to smile.
A friend was complaining about their job, and someone said "millions of people hate their jobs. Its not just you...". This puzzled me. Does this make it acceptable? Millions of people are lonely, but that's no reason to roll over and just never look for love. Why do we feel it is more acceptable to work daily in a job we hate, with people we don't like, just because a high percentage of the population cannot stand their job, or working for their boss? Why is it good enough, just because millions of people put up with this feeling? Why should we have the desire to work for the next 45 years in a job that you dont like, just because other people do? Is it so wrong to want to have a little bit of job satisfaction, and actually enjoy the day to days of life?
The key is to re-evaluate. It may not be practical to quit your job and become a bum until someone discovers your potential and falls over themselves to give you a job that will make you your millions. Because the chances of that happening are very, very low. You have to work towards it, and give yourself the very best chance. Qualifications, voluntary experience and research are all great ways to further your knowledge and help yourself. Take the steps that no-one else can take for you, and prove to yourself and everyone else just how serious you are about making the changes and taking the chance to grab it. Hard work does eventually pay off. In the same line, only you know what you truly want.
Can you honestly say that you are genuinely, truly happy? Maybe you have the career you have dreamed of since you were 4. But in getting that, have you sacrificed love? Or maybe you are like so many people, who are deeply, romantically, in love, but stuck in a place you cant escape. Perhaps you don't even have that, you are drifting from day to day with the person you love, in a job you hate, living in a house that's just not "you" and resenting every day that passes without happiness. But there is only one way to get out.
Only you can make the changes. Only you can grab things with both hands, and say "I deserve to have all the happiness I want".
Happiness is not such a big ask after all. Its achievable for anyone, and should never be out of reach. All you have to do is follow your heart...

Inspiration...

I've been thinking for the last few days what to blog about. We had a really sad time in our family towards the beginning of the week. My uncle lost his long battle with cancer, despite fighting it so hard. It was actually very sudden, as although there was nothing more they could do for him, he was well and about to be discharged from hospital. Within two hours, he had taken a severe turn for the worse. I cant imagine how devastated my auntie and cousins are as I am very lucky to still have both my parents and haven't suffered that particular heartbreak. I've not felt like writing anything this week, and my uncles death has made me reflect on my life.
I have the best friends. Two of my best friends at work were absolutely amazing. There for me when I needed them, but they didn't push me or try to get me to talk about it until I was ready. I feel I've been a bit of a recluse - sitting at home, going to bed early, and not even spending Saturday night doing anything other than watching a film. I did go out on Saturday afternoon for an hour, but not quite by choice. My dad takes my dog to have his haircut and manicure every couple of months, and found out about a new course of dog training starting. As my dog is quite well trained, just not sociable and hates people coming to the door, my dad decided we needed to go. Cue me not having much choice, and grudgingly agreeing. It was actually a lot better than I anticipated, he was very well behaved (the dog, not my dad) and didn't attack any other dogs. Hopefully by the end of the course, he will completely listen to me and be a reformed dog!
So, for this post I have been inspired by Glee. The episode "Born This Way" to be particular. Mr Schuester was on a mission to get the Glee kids to embrace the aspects of themselves they didn't like, and accept themselves for who they really are. A point that kept coming up was that the changes the kids wanted to make were because they loved themselves, not because they hated themselves. What with my evaluating my life, this has really hit home with me. I want to change myself because I love myself and because I hate myself. I try hard to accept myself, and I do, but I also want to change.
Lady Gaga is the queen of acceptance. People don't always accept her and what she does. Just last week it was reported that "the Catholics are outraged at the meaning behind the song 'Judas'". She is always out there, having the wackiest outfit, the craziest video, the most outrageous hairdo and the dramatic, nonsensical video. But, shes always the one with the message, and most of the time that message is "Love the person you are, and accept yourself". Born This Way was the classic song for the message, and it makes a point with me. Doesn't stop me from wanting to change myself a bit though. She doesn't give a damn what people think, she sticks horns to her head for videos, arrives to awards in a giant egg, and wore a dress made completely of meat. Lady Gaga is the ultimate "out-there" artist of the minute and she refuses to conform.
I have all my personal goals, and I'm so impatient I hate to wait. I wish some of the changes I want to make could be instant and I would work hard for them afterwards if I could have the results now. Instead I need to be dedicated and push myself to get where I want to be. It is hard though, and anyone who ever says it isn't needs to take a look at themselves. I need to organise my goals into a list of which order they are going to be achievable and work out routes to get them.
If you hate yourself enough to want to change, then you also love yourself too much to just abandon all hope. You love yourself enough to change, and I do. I want to be a better person, I want to develop my hobbies, I want to be healthier and fitter, I want to lose weight, I want to learn to love without expecting anything back in return, I want to be generous without suffering the consequences and most of all, I want to be selfless and sincere. Changes take time, but its never too late to start.

Where, oh where, has my motivation gone?

I need more motivation. My best friend is getting married in September. We have been best friends for 18 years this year, which is a long time. Its almost my entire life. We have had our ups and downs, but we always come through it, and usually stronger than before. So at her wedding I am going to be a bridesmaid. I'm excited! However, that means I am going to be in a lot of photos, and wearing a beautiful purple dress. So now, I need to do everything I can to make sure I look good in that dress. We have until the beginning of July before we have to go for the fittings to have any alterations made. So I have 2 months to lose as much weight as I can, and keep it off. So, I am going to cut out photos of how I want to look - mainly from horse magazines, and stick them on the cupboards and fridge. I have written out a new meal plan, and I have made a list of everything we need for it for the fortnight. That way, hopefully I wont run out of things and end up buying take-away. I need to stick on it, and I've been finding it so hard. But I really want to do it, so hopefully I can get myself together. 

Of course, I have other reasons for wanting to get motivated. I plan on saving for a horse as soon as I can drive, and so I can look at a wider range of four legged companions, weighing a lot less than now would be more than helpful. There are lots of other benefits, of course, but these are my main priorities and so need to scape together every shred of motivation I can muster. Two of my work colleagues go to a Slimming World group on Wednesday nights. I have considered returning and going to the sessions again, because if it would help me to stay on my diet and lose the weight, the weekly cost is worth it. However, I don't know if I want to go on my own. Last time I was going, I went with family. So to go on my own is a much bigger step, and one I'm not sure about yet. Something to think about, at least.

I've got another driving lesson tomorrow. I am quite excited, but I keep panicking when I think about it. Before when I had lessons, I didn't get the biting point thing. It was never explained, either helped out on the pedals by the instructor, or else he just said "there!" and I never got it on my own. My new instructor is great...very patient and understanding. I got the biting point and we stopped and moved off loads during the first lesson. But if I'm on my own and I go over the cockpit drill or anything in my head, I think about the biting point and panic. I guess it is something that only practise will help. Hopefully I'll be able to practise outside of lesson times with my dad. So for now, I'm just excited about my lesson. She said we would refresh what we did last time, and then go for a jaunt on the roads. Eek! 

I've recently been hunting for a costume for the previously mentioned best friend's hen night in August. The bridesmaids are all helping plan it, and most of it is top secret. The theme, which she does know about, is "sexy masquerades". So basically, burlesque crossed with masquerades. Moulin Rouge with masks. How exciting? I think I have finally decided on an outfit, but I can't order it until I have been paid. Bad times. Once I decide on the final colour, I can pick a mask to go with it. I need to accessorize it with lots of lovely glamorous pretty things. I need to glamorize my outfit. I also need to find shoes. Damn....i forgot about shoes. This is likely to be a huge problem, as due to extremely weak ankles, I have issues with heels. So, burlesque sexy shoes, without heels....Hmmm.

On the accessories hand though, fake nails or at least tips are going to be an absolute yesYES! I bought some reduced false French nails with a little design on the tips yesterday, and put them on. You can wear them for a week and then you are supposed to take them off. They are fabulous. The design is a little black and silver butterfly with some silver glittery and black swirly butterfly dust. I love them....except they make typing a slight issue. Not going to be good if I am processing at work tomorrow. We are going out for lunch at work tomorrow. We processed the most packs ever in March - *highfive* and so are getting a treat from the company. We got the choice, and could have done anything, but due to some people not wanting to come to the more exciting things, we have decided on lunch on a work day so everyone can come. Then, for our work quarterly instead of going for the usual meal, we are going to the Comedy Club at the cinema to see some stand up. It's really different to what we usually have to do, so I am really looking forward to it.

My other half has finally booked himself in for his first tattoo. He wants a dragon design on his bicep, and has found the head of a dragon he loves. He is going to give that to the artist who will then just freehand the rest of the design onto his arm and then if he likes it, away they go. If not, they re-draw. I want another tattoo. I have promised myself that when I get down to my final target weight (I have a long way to go), I can have my other shoulder blade done. I designed my shoulder piece to be flipped and mirrored on my other shoulder blade, so I decided when I lose my weight that is my reward. I have kind of planned my next 4 tattoos, so now I just have to design them and then get the bottle to have them. 

I've been toying a lot with the ideas of modification lately. I've debated dying my hair, more tattoos, and piercings. But overall, I have decided to hold off for now. Well, maybe I'll dye my hair. It's only going to go a natural colour (my natural colour) as I really regret my natural colour changing from dying it. 

I am so impatient, I want everything now. I hate waiting!!

Edumacation!

I had my first driving lesson yesterday. I started lessons about three and a half years ago, but I really didn't get on with my instructor and felt the few lessons I did have weren't going anywhere. I have now, finally, got the money to restart. I have gone with a female instructor this time, and she is lovely. Really patient and friendly, and the car is really comfortable to drive. We refreshed the basics and covered what I could remember (not a lot!). Once we started I was just doing some basic going forward, stopping, turning left and right and then we progressed into the slightly more advanced signalling before turning, second gear, clutch control/ever so slight hill start and reversing in a straight line. Next lesson we are going on the roads! Its all exciting! I keep looking at cars for sale but I think I need to save some money up before I can...
I have also been thinking about maybe doing some A-Levels or something on a distance course as although my dreams of Uni have pretty much dissipated, A-levels are going to look better on my CV than just GCSE's, right? Not entirely sure what subjects I would go for, probably the basics like English and Science. I'm not brilliant at Maths so probably would steer clear on that, I got a C in my GCSE so that's good enough for me! Or maybe a National Diploma rather than A-Levels. Hmm... Options.
Always good to have options!

180 degrees...

Well, I've done a complete U-turn since my last post. Writing it made me look more into the university options again, and i have to admit, i was completely horrified and heartbroken about what i found. There were two unis that piqued my interest - they looked like good homey universities, offered the course I wanted, i had heard good things about them. They aren't the best uni's in England, and they were both at about the same standing in the league tables - for what they are worth. Both round about the 70 mark. And now, due to a change in the law, from next year, they are both charging £9000 per year. That's the same as Oxford and Cambridge. Nine thousand pounds a year. Wow. Well, there's pretty much no way I can go to uni then. Every one says you get tuition fee loans so it makes no difference. I don't want to spend the next 30 years of my life trying to pay back £50,000 worth of debt that i will never pay off because you have to earn a ridiculous amount to actually pay it back. You get all that debt, and you get a degree, but that degree doesn't guarantee you a job, and unless the job is one that you definitely have to have a degree for, it doesn't put you any closer to winning that job than anyone else (in my opinion anyway). I work in an office, doing data entry, and two of my team, who earn the same as me have degrees. It hasn't got them any further at present, and yes it may be a better foundation for a job in the future, but by the time you get there all the debt is written off, leaving our country in even more of a detrimental financial position that we are already in.
So, now, I am going to develop myself to possibly, at some point in the future, turn a hobby into a career when the climate is a bit better. It means I wont have a degree with a fancy piece of paper, but i also wont have all the debt hanging around my shoulders. I have new plans. I'm going to carry on working as I am now, learn to drive, buy a car, and buy a horse. I'm 99% certain that the reward of having a horse will offset the worse things about money. My first driving lesson in a few years in tomorrow. Straight from work. I've not driven for about 3 and a half years, and only had a few lessons then so I'm basically starting from scratch. I'm excited, though I'm getting more nervous as the day progresses. I've got a theory app on my phone and have been practising on that daily. Every time i take the mock test i pass, but i cant help but feel it cant be that easy.
If I want to start riding again (which i do, as soon as I can drive I'm starting lessons while i look for a suitable mount to buy) i want to lose some weight. So i need to start on my diet and stick to it. That's the hardest part. All i need to do is procure a huge amount of willpower and a printer. I need a printer to stick pictures of skinny jodphur models around the house to try and inspire me and stop me going off the rails. Maybe instead of a printer I could just cut them out of some of my horse magazine?
So I have the plans...I'm just not very good at patience. I want what I want, and i want it now. Of course, the main problem is money. You have to wait to be able to buy things and that's boring. I'm looking forward to it, and of course i have started doing everything i can to make it seem more real. Getting insurance quotes on cars for sale just to see how much its likely to cost me, then trying to tot up all the costs involved. Its expensive, but I'm determined and so will get it.
I've come in a complete different direction from my last post, i know. I have picked up a few new hobbies that I want to develop and really get stuck into...except most of them require money to start out. I need a free hobby to keep me going!
I've recently sent a few links to my sister of Tim Minchin videos on YouTube. I absolutely adore him and have listened to nearly all of his songs to the extent that i know them word for word. I told her to watch them because I would be questioning her to make sure she did. I wonder if she has?

Why is it that I cant ever decide what I want?

For the past few months, I have been spiralling around in my head, leaping from dream to dream. I once made the biggest mistake of my life. I was living away at college, studying the thing I've been most passionate about in my entire life. My dreams were coming true. I loved my life, and I was going to be truly happy. I was heading for a career with horses and it didn't seem that there was any way I wouldn't get what I wanted.
But then, disaster. I hadn't really enjoyed jumping for a while, and though I adored watching other people fly over 5 foot jumps, the thought of doing it myself filled me with terror. During a lesson at college, the instructor announced we would spend the last 20 minutes jumping. Okay, I thought, I can do this. It turns out, I couldn't. I took a fall, and, after completing the lesson but not actually jumping, feeling dizzy and out of it, was sent off to hospital and diagnosed with concussion. The college then sent me home for an extended weekend, for health and safety reasons, and that was the first mistake. The best thing for me to do would have been to man up and get on with it. Instead, I sat at home for four days and then returned, shaken and slightly scared. I had lost my confidence, and after bumbling on but not talking to my instructor and yard manager about it and really getting to the bottom of the problem, the solution was that I would just not deal with any of the more complicated horses. So when one of the less senior yard staff (possibly not knowing what we had agreed) told me to go and sort out one of the worst on the yard, i refused. With no alternative accepted, my choice was do it, or leave the yard. I left.
And then I ran away from college. One bus, then a coach all the way back to my home town, I stayed with a friend. The plan would have gone fine, except college then rang my house phone to find out when I was coming back. Cue my mum discovering I wasn't actually at college. I went back after the weekend, feeling no better, and the same scenario ensued, and that time when I left the yard, I left for good. I called my parents, and with my main instructor and the lecturer/head of year I liked and trusted most away on holiday, no-one could persuade me to stay. I left, leaving behind my chance at an education and the career i had dreamt of for years and wanted more than anything in my life. But i was in such a dark and isolated place I couldn't see a path back and forced myself to leave and forget that place.
There was probably a grace period where we could have negotiated my return and my bad decision would be undone, but I was young and so scared I just seemed stubborn. So instead, I threw my dreams and my education away. I eventually started another programme, an apprenticeship in Business Administration, and i seemed content with that. But after a period of sickness I returned to work only to be told, I had too much time of in my probationary period, and my employment was terminated. I was told to go to the college supplying my NVQ qualification that day, and they would sort me out another placement. I was upset and humiliated being fired for the first time, and I didn't go. I called my tutor the next day to explain and re-arrange, and was told that they no longer considered me to be on the course. I was heartbroken, because that meant I had just thrown my second chance at a future away, and I was only 18.
As far as I was concerned, I had no future career and I was sinking further into the dark, deeper into the isolation and further away from escape. By this point, I was engaged and we were nearly moving out of the mother in laws house. I tried to focus on other things, like the house we were refurbishing or the wedding I was planning. But internally, I was grieving the loss of everything I had wanted since I was 12.
I started a new job 3 years after losing my last one, and although it is a job, it doesn't fulfil me. It doesn't make me happy. Its a means to an end, and that end is surviving. I will always be grateful to that job, and the employers there who took me on, but I feel like I am wasting my life. It's never going to be the career i wanted so fiercely.
The problem is now though, that the career I really wanted is extremely hard to get into. The ruling has just changed so that Uni's can charge what they want up to the maximum fee - £9000 per year. In the financial climate, there are so many graduates who are unemployed, will working hard for 3 years and getting a degree really get me the job, or just a shedload of debt? The career I covet (or one of them at least - more on this below) is one that you absolutely, must have, 100% a degree for. So without the uni route, I cant do it. Which means giving up my job, being completely skint, doing a degree and getting into debt, and either spending a looot of money and time travelling, or uprooting myself and my husband to move closer to a uni that offers the course. I would also have to undertake an Access course, as I never finished my further education, so have no qualifications above GCSE's. But that only takes one year, its a part time course and so I could work part time around it to help with the finance. But working around it isn't really an option once I get to uni.
Of course, there is a couple of other careers I would LOVE to have. Now remember, I said I was bouncing off the walls of my skull, shooting from one dream to another? There are four careers I would love to have, but three of them generally require degrees, and if I'm going to get into all that debt and spend three years of my life studying and working hard, I want to do it for my passion. A lot of people have said "Well, do a degree in X, its less specific and more academic and will get you a better job at the end of it" but I want to get the degree I want, even if it doesn't put me in such a good position at the end of it.
Of the four careers I would like, two involve animals (specifically horses), one children and the fourth is completely different. But, two of them are in sectors that, in this financial climate, are facing cut backs and therefore job opportunities are going to be harder to find and a lot harder to obtain. Two of the careers would more than likely involve working for myself - something i'm not sure i have the business head for.
I feel like I am slamming my head into a brick wall, and I feel like I dont have any support for what I want to do. I go from wanting the career, to a different career, to no career but my own horse, back to careers again. I cant settle on a decision, part of what's making my husband so reluctant to support me. I understand, but it doesn't make me feel any better about it.
I feel like I have rambled on for far too long, so this is the end of this post!

The Royal Wedding

It was discussed at work a while back that we would be working the day of the royal wedding. Gutted! However, management then decided that it would cost them too much to make us work it (unconfirmed rumour, but likely to be the reason!) and so we were given a lovely long weekend. I originally planned to celebrate by having A Right Royal Tea Party - high tea, scones with cream and jam, cucumber sandwiches in little triangles with no crusts and such. I then decided that because it was actually only April, and the weather has been unbelievably beautiful, we were going to have a BBQ instead. So of course, we need a new BBQ. The old one has rusted into flakes and would be better served as a planter than a source of cooking for consumption! Many decisions about the guest list, menu, entertainment ensued. The final draft included my parents and sibling, mother in law, brother in law and his two young kiddeos, and our two best friends (the other two had plans for going to see a friend). The delicious menu, consisting of sausage burgers, beef and onion burgers, Lincolnshire sausages, Chicken skewers, potato salad, coleslaw, salad, with my mum's mouthwatering cheesecake for pudding has been eagerly anticipated by me for the last two weeks. A tent has been erected on the lawn for our nephews to play in, and the table moved down the garden to the sunny patch of the grass. The day arrived. 

I settled down to watch the wedding, and Harry and Wills both looked dashing. William looked like a proper Disney Prince in his finery, with his wonderful Disney Prince best man. Kate looked absolutely stunning, a real princess and the guests all looked fabulous (except that one guest sat behind the Queen - one of the princesses i think, with a very strange and exuberant hat!) and the beautiful bride and gorgeous groom looked very happy and in love. Being the lover of all things equine that i am, i loved watching the parade back to Buckingham Palace with the carriage and all the horses. The BBC's coverage of the event was great, with a good commentary. 

I don't understand though, why Prince William didn't get a ring. And why they didn't kiss during the ceremony. Surely that is one of the best parts? "I now pronounce you husband and wife, you may kiss the bride!". So why, after leaving that heart-warming section out, is there such a huge thing about them kissing in public? The kiss on the balcony, so sweet and loving, was such an event in the wedding as they haven't kissed as a married couple in public before this. I just don't get it!

I am rather in love with Prince Harry. He was my favourite Prince when I was young, with my sister favouring William, and I can forgive him all of his social faux pas's and errors of judgement. I would love to be his Princess, but I don't think my husband would take too kindly to that! 

The sun has come out shining, the royal nuptials went off without a hitch, the adorable couple shared TWO kisses on the Buckingham Palace balcony (much to the delight of the crowd watching), and I have the fascinating and sumptuous Russell Brand's "My Booky Wook" to read. It was pay day yesterday, and I went on a bit of a spending spree. After the Piers Morgan's Life Stories interview and going to see "Arthur" on Orange Wednesday, I was on a  Russell Brand high. He is absolutely fabulous, and i adore him. I went into the town centre on my dinner to buy "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" after not seeing it since it was at the cinema, only to find it OUT OF STOCK. Instant heartbreak. So instead I bought Mamma Mia (due to the wedding mood) and Get Him To The Greek - with the wonderful Mr Brand. I also bought "Dear Fatty" by the fabulous Dawn French, "Its Not What It Looks Like" by Chris Evans, and books 5 & 6 of the Vampire Diaries. We spent the evening with a bottle of wine, Indian takeaway and Get Him To The Greek, after which i started reading My Booky Wook. I'm only on Chapter 3 (preparations for the royal wedding have taken a toll on my time, daaaaahling) and i am so in love already. He is such an interesting person who has been through such (self inflicted admittedly) hard times and come out of it alive. 

And now BHS is on fire in the town centre. Last year, Matalan burnt down on a Sunday afternoon. Someone tried to burn a security tag off and ended up setting everything on fire - meaning we are only just about to have an open Matalan nearly a year later. Hopefully the fire at BHS isn't as bad, no-one gets hurt and we don't lose the shop - I just bought a dress in the Edinburgh branch for my cousins wedding, and its a beautiful dress. 

On a completely unrelated note - I LOVE LOVE LOVE "Judas" by Lady Gaga. So so catchy and a great tune. Juda, juda-aaas, juda, juda-aaas!

To the BBQ!

So...This is It.

I have bitten the bullet. Discarded my old, though hardly used and in very good condition (all offers considered!) blog and created a new one. I've spent the last 2 hours formatting it and trying to get it how i want it to look. So now, for the maiden voyage of The Inner Tornado.

I am so incredibly tired. I'm literally falling asleep. Working 9 hour days knackers me out so much. And then i cant even stay awake to watch what i want to watch! I was going to attempt to watch some of "The Only Way Is Essex". I say attempt....Reality shows, i get. Drama shows, i get. Try to "subtly" mix the two and it goes right over my head! I keep saying "Reem" in my head though. Damn Facebook. Work tomorrow, and then it is the weekend. That is good fricking times.

On that note, to bedfordshie! No, thats not a typo. Bed-fo-shee. Night!